{"id":748,"date":"2011-11-16T15:46:14","date_gmt":"2011-11-16T23:46:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/?p=748"},"modified":"2011-11-16T17:28:57","modified_gmt":"2011-11-17T01:28:57","slug":"deaths-many-faces","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/2011\/uncategorized\/deaths-many-faces\/","title":{"rendered":"Death’s Many Faces"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>My tears now come at unexpected times, like a rogue wave. I buried my mother on Nov. 10th<\/sup>. The funeral went well but I worried about my grandchildren\u2014her great-grandchildren\u2014\u2014ages 10-15, seeing an open coffin for the first time. They managed. The youngest even touched my mother\u2019s stone cold forehead. One thing I can say, my mother looked peaceful. Since I\u2019ve grown up seeing many dead bodies in coffins; (it was a family practice to go to every churchgoer\u2019s funeral;) I\u2019ve noticed how embalming has improved. She looked natural and for that I was thankful. It was still weird, seeing someone you love lying in a box that ends up underground.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>The day after the funeral, I was reminded of other deaths. It was Nov. 11th<\/sup>, Remembrance Day, the day we remember all the men and women who fought and died so we could live in freedom. My mother\u2019s death at 96 years was a natural<\/em> death. The warriors, whom we remember on this day, died unnatural<\/em> deaths\u2014in explosions caused by bombs or grenades, by gunfire, bayonet or sword, or even chemical weaponry. It seems to me we also need to remember those who come back to us\u00a0<\/a> with their spirits and bodies forever changed. Theirs is a death of spirit, a death of hope, and a death of comfort, and because of that, they can never fully return to the life they left when they went to war. I cannot imagine how they do it. My Uncle George, who fought in World War II and died in his 80s, did not pass one night without nightmares. My friend\u2019s stepdad, who also fought against the Nazis, jumped every time he heard a noise.<\/p>\n

Around this time, the new Call of Duty video game came out.\u00a0 That, like other video war games, is full of animated faces of death.\u00a0 Many veterans of real wars were upset with the timing of the release.\u00a0 But they\u2019re only games, right? Games that seduce the player and have him or her think they\u2019re engaged in real combat. I sometimes wonder if these games are part of some seduction plot, luring young men to join the military, making them think they\u2019ll somehow be the lucky ones, they\u2019ll be the heroes, they\u2019ll be the ones who will come home unharmed. I have trouble with games glorifying death and violence for the reason just stated, but here’s another opinion, one by Charlie Brooker in the U.K. Guardian newspaper <\/a>.<\/p>\n

It wasn’t that long ago that death’s face was more benign. I am old enough to remember western movies that showed people dying without obvious bloodshot wounds. When shot, they would keel over and fall off their horse, or off a rooftop on to the ground. Those films have since been criticized for inaccurate depictions of death. With time, the filmmakers who followed attempted to show the truth of those last hours. It became crazy violent with Bonnie and Clyde<\/a> , Sam Peckinpaw\\’s Straw Dogs<\/a> and the trio of\u00a0 Godfather<\/a> films. And the next wave of directors pushed it even further.\u00a0 More blood, more violence.\u00a0 I recall being stunned when the audience laughed during a screening of Tarantino\\’s Pulp Fiction<\/a>. Men were being pulverized on the screen; I guess people thought those faces of death were funny.<\/p>\n

Violence moved to TV with series like Sopranos<\/a> and now Boardwalk Empire<\/a>, where \u00a0grotesque executions show even more gore and gaping wounds. Have we become so anesthetised to violence that filmmakers think they have to go nuts to prove a point? I have to admit though, I\u2019m fascinated by the Boardwalk Empire series, despite the graphic portrayals of violent deaths that cause me to turn away from the screen. The acting is superb, the art direction incredible, and the story intriguing. Still, I could do without the in-your-face sadism. I want to be protected from\u2014in this case\u2014death\u2019s gruesome face.<\/p>\n

My mother\u2019s face, on the other hand, looked content in death, and therefore easy to view. My husband said she looked beautiful, dressed in a turquoise dress and matching head scarf she\u2019d picked for her funeral. In the last year of life, she talked often of wanting to join my father, who\u2019d died 25 years before.\u00a0 She was 96, and though she\u2019d hoped to reach 100,\u00a0 life was no longer easy. When I called or visited, she\u2019d say,\u00a0 \u201cOld Age is not happiness; Death isn\u2019t a wedding,\u201d\u00a0 and then she\u2019d laugh.\u00a0 Perhaps she was at peace because her sense of humour had sustained her. I also like to think she died that way because she drew her last breath with her granddaughters holding her hands. A life well lived\u00ad\u00ad\u2014through good times and bad. I can only hope for such a face at the end.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My tears now come at unexpected times, like a rogue wave. I buried my mother on Nov. 10th. The funeral went well but I worried about my grandchildren\u2014her great-grandchildren\u2014\u2014ages 10-15,… <\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[207,204,209,202,78,206,203,205,208],"class_list":["post-748","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-boardwalk-empire","tag-call-of-duty","tag-charlie-brooker","tag-death","tag-diana-stevan","tag-pulp-fiction","tag-remembrance-day","tag-video-war-game","tag-violence"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1LuVB-c4","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":757,"url":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/2011\/film-2\/hereafter-heaven-and-afterlife\/","url_meta":{"origin":748,"position":0},"title":"Hereafter, Heaven, and Afterlife","author":"Diana Stevan","date":"23 \u041b\u0438\u0441\u0442\u043e\u043f\u0430\u0434\u0430, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Afterlife As this year draws to a close, I\u2019m reflecting on other endings, chiefly the afterlife. With my mother\u2019s passing, I\u2019ve become preoccupied with questions about death and heaven, if there is one. The Ukrainian Greek Orthodox priest at my mother\u2019s funeral said she is now beginning her new life.\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0423 "Film"","block_context":{"text":"Film","link":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/category\/film-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Afterlife","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.dianastevan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/Black-Bird.jpg?fit=1200%2C1140&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.dianastevan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/Black-Bird.jpg?fit=1200%2C1140&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.dianastevan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/Black-Bird.jpg?fit=1200%2C1140&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.dianastevan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/Black-Bird.jpg?fit=1200%2C1140&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.dianastevan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/Black-Bird.jpg?fit=1200%2C1140&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":664,"url":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/2011\/uncategorized\/words-to-live-by-jack-layton\/","url_meta":{"origin":748,"position":1},"title":"Words To Live By – Jack Layton","author":"Diana Stevan","date":"28 \u0421\u0435\u0440\u043f\u043d\u044f, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"I woke up way too early this morning. Jack Layton's state funeral was on my mind. Yesterday, I witnessed an outpouring of love for a man who`s touched so many lives, as evidenced by all the writing in Nathan Phillips Square in Toronto. Could he have orchestrated a better final\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0423 \"Christie Blatchford\"","block_context":{"text":"Christie Blatchford","link":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/tag\/christie-blatchford\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.dianastevan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/08\/nathan-philips-square.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1090,"url":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/2012\/writing\/fifty-shades-of-bliss\/","url_meta":{"origin":748,"position":2},"title":"Fifty Shades of Bliss","author":"Diana Stevan","date":"27 \u0412\u0435\u0440\u0435\u0441\u043d\u044f, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"I\u2019ve been away from my writing celebrating fifty years of marriage. That's right, 50! I know, it\u2019s a shocker. But just to explain, we were married in kindergarten. Yeah, that young. It\u2019s hard to believe, but back in the 60s, anything was possible and rules were broken. Rob and I\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0423 "Life"","block_context":{"text":"Life","link":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/category\/life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.dianastevan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/Rob-and-I-at-Strathcona-300x198.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4978,"url":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/2020\/writing\/musing-about-the-pandemic\/","url_meta":{"origin":748,"position":3},"title":"Musing About the Pandemic","author":"Diana Stevan","date":"15 \u0413\u0440\u0443\u0434\u043d\u044f, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm ending the year musing about the pandemic; it's at the forefront of my mind. Before the Covid19 pandemic, life was normal, with its ups and downs, and the freedom we took for granted. At the start of 2020, Robert and I went with friends to Ucluelet on the west\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0423 "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/category\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Writing and Publishing","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.dianastevan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/Ucluelet.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.dianastevan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/Ucluelet.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.dianastevan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/Ucluelet.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":443,"url":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/2011\/uncategorized\/curve-balls-in-life\/","url_meta":{"origin":748,"position":4},"title":"Curve Balls in Life","author":"Diana Stevan","date":"14 \u0427\u0435\u0440\u0432\u043d\u044f, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"These past few weeks have been taxing. Another curve ball came, when my 95 yr. old mother was hospitalized after a fall. While enroute to see her, I read the brilliant article Unspoken Truths by Christopher Hitchens. In it, he writes about what he's been dealing with as his cancer\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0423 "Life"","block_context":{"text":"Life","link":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/category\/life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.dianastevan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/img4981-300x197.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2842,"url":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/2016\/writing\/along-came-a-gardener\/","url_meta":{"origin":748,"position":5},"title":"Along Came A Gardener","author":"Diana Stevan","date":"10 \u0412\u0435\u0440\u0435\u0441\u043d\u044f, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"I've decided to take a side trip and write a non-fiction book, called Along Came A Gardener. I\u2019ll be combining my love of gardening with what I\u2019ve learned during my twenty-five years working as a family therapist. Writing What I Know Readers of my fictional works know that I\u2019ve used\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0423 "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/category\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Along Came A Gardener","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.dianastevan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/Gardener-300x149.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/748","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=748"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/748\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=748"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=748"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=748"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}