{"id":501,"date":"2011-07-16T17:48:43","date_gmt":"2011-07-17T00:48:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/?p=501"},"modified":"2012-03-25T20:03:03","modified_gmt":"2012-03-26T03:03:03","slug":"writing-as-therapy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/2011\/writing\/writing-as-therapy\/","title":{"rendered":"Writing As Therapy"},"content":{"rendered":"

Although I’ve written many poems, I’ve only published one poem on my site. \"\"For me, poetry has been largely a way to deal with powerful feelings that arise, often unexpected and unwelcomed. It’s writing as therapy. Right now, I’ve been struggling with emotions over my daughter’s plight. I’ve been resistant to write about my journey and hers, since it’s been so personal, and yet, I’m reminded of how many women out there-young and old from all walks of life-have been struck by the terrible disease of breast cancer<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I had no idea of what was involved\u00a0 even though I’ve known cancer (different kinds) in my family tree. But when my daughter got it, it was too close, too painful, and perhaps too much to keep to myself.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>So, for the past three days, I’ve been writing a poem, one that may touch a chord in those who have a similar journey. My writing as therapy didn’t solve the bigger puzzle. The uncertainty is still there, but I know we’re all part of a bigger picture, one that is painted by a brush we can’t always control. And even though this poem takes me, and perhaps you, to a dark place, I have faith that the sun will shine again, for me, my daughter and our family.<\/p>\n

LOOKING FOR RAINBOWS<\/p>\n

If my heart could bleed,
\nmy shirt would be red.
\na shadow of mine watches
\nmy daughter eclipsed by misery.
\na breast gone, a body smashed;
\nis there a cure that\u2019s eluded us all,
\none that had no blade attached?<\/p>\n

It was only a lump at first,
\nlike a pesky mosquito
\nthat’d go in time the doctor said,
\njust hormones and nothing more;
\nbut the lump had other plans,
\nan easy removal, another said,
\none that would leave my daughter pleased
\nwith her breast in the aftermath.<\/p>\n

But while she waited for the surgeon’s knife,
\nthe lump grew and grew,
\nand grew some more,
\nlike the operation where
\ntwelve lymph nodes bit the dust,
\nbut still she hoped her breast could be saved,
\nwith chemotherapy, the poison
\ntoo awful, even for the brave.<\/p>\n

The drugs flowed like wildfire
\nthrough her needle-pricked veins,
\nattacking each cell that stood in their way,
\nthe good and the bad were one and the same;
\na once healthy body was now under siege,
\nand to add to the trauma that stuck like glue,
\nshe wore ice-cold mitts on her hands and her feet
\nto keep nails from peeling like a fake tattoo.<\/p>\n

Doubts upon lies, heaped upon lies,
\nas her nails flaked one by one,
\nlike crumbling pastry held tight,
\ntoo tight, in a child’s warm hands.
\nher hair said good-bye, both her scalp and her brow
\neven they gave no pledge to return,
\nwell-meaning friends sent web sites with cures
\nhead’s caught in a vise with no way to turn.<\/p>\n

We clung once more to the specialists words-
\nmaybe it was just a bad dream.
\nhis message of hope was cloaked by a frown;
\nhe said plainly her breast had to go.
\nstill we asked with a smile and a prayer,
\nas if there was some warranty,
\nwhy hadn’t the poison rubbed out
\nall of the cancerous seeds?<\/p>\n

Taking a break, we sailed away
\non a Disney cruise where fairies do fly,
\nand dreams that you dream can come true.
\nwe clutched on to magic as long as we could
\n’till reality smacked us back to the old place,
\nknotting our insides and crushing our mind,
\nshouting there was no escape.<\/p>\n

Where is the rainbow on this grayest of days,
\nthe one that promises no floods?
\nI wrestle with thoughts that bother my sleep,
\nthe view of the dark curves ahead,
\nthe road my once little girl has to take
\nbut I know in my heart, she’s up to the task,
\nwith God on her side and angels at her back,
\nshe’s a woman who rarely backs down from a fight.
\nstill my tear-stained face wets the case of my pillow;
\nI reach for her father in the black of the night.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Although I’ve written many poems, I’ve only published one poem on my site. For me, poetry has been largely a way to deal with powerful feelings that arise, often unexpected… <\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[88,86,4],"tags":[68,38,37,67,5],"class_list":["post-501","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life","category-therapy-2","category-writing","tag-breast-cancer","tag-poem","tag-poetry","tag-therapy","tag-writing-2"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1LuVB-85","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":355,"url":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/2011\/writing\/writing-as-an-escape\/","url_meta":{"origin":501,"position":0},"title":"Writing as an escape","author":"Diana Stevan","date":"27 \u041a\u0432\u0456\u0442\u043d\u044f, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Talk to any writer and they'll invariably say, they have to write. 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In this inspirational book, I'll share some tips on managing life's ups and downs. Tips I gave my clients during my twenty-five years as a therapist. Human Pain Does Not Discriminate I've been blessed to\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0423 "Therapy"","block_context":{"text":"Therapy","link":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/category\/therapy-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"untitled","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.dianastevan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/untitled-197x300.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":428,"url":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/2011\/writing\/a-writers-passion\/","url_meta":{"origin":501,"position":2},"title":"A Writer’s Passion","author":"Diana Stevan","date":"27 \u0422\u0440\u0430\u0432\u043d\u044f, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"As I see my Star Magnolia flowers come and go, I'm reminded again of the passage of time.\u00a0 So, in thinking of all the writing I still want to do, a read through of\u00a0Jane Friedman's Blog was both helpful and timely. Her post on the 6 key components of an\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0423 "Life"","block_context":{"text":"Life","link":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/category\/life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.dianastevan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/05\/P1070772-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2842,"url":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/2016\/writing\/along-came-a-gardener\/","url_meta":{"origin":501,"position":3},"title":"Along Came A Gardener","author":"Diana Stevan","date":"10 \u0412\u0435\u0440\u0435\u0441\u043d\u044f, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"I've decided to take a side trip and write a non-fiction book, called Along Came A Gardener. I\u2019ll be combining my love of gardening with what I\u2019ve learned during my twenty-five years working as a family therapist. 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She's a life coach with\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0423 "Life"","block_context":{"text":"Life","link":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/category\/life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.dianastevan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/05\/cid_sigimg1%40f765733703ecc61b79823bc163645fc1-205x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":257,"url":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/2011\/writing\/poetry\/","url_meta":{"origin":501,"position":5},"title":"Poetry","author":"Diana Stevan","date":"1 \u041a\u0432\u0456\u0442\u043d\u044f, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"I've written a lot of poetry, inspired many times by some angst I was going through. I found it cathartic. I got my love of poetry from my father, who in his day, had to memorize Wordsworth, Longfellow, and Byron. 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