{"id":2473,"date":"2016-01-23T08:55:49","date_gmt":"2016-01-23T16:55:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/?p=2473"},"modified":"2019-04-27T09:55:40","modified_gmt":"2019-04-27T16:55:40","slug":"tinders-not-so-tender","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/2016\/uncategorized\/tinders-not-so-tender\/","title":{"rendered":"Tinder’s Not So Tender"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s easier than ever to hook up today. Ways of dating have changed dramatically with the rise in popularity of dating apps.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Tinder's<\/a>

From wikipedia.org<\/span><\/p><\/div>\n

The most notable one, Tinder, is often used to find a sexual partner, but from what I’ve read, Tinder\u2019s not so tender when it comes to satisfying both sexes.<\/span><\/p>\n

In our age of Twitter with its 140 character tweets, music videos that scene after scene in rapid succession, and texting, where messaging is brief and to the point, it fits that dating is also fast and any encounter can be over in one evening. There’s little or no time for romance.<\/span><\/p>\n

A Place For Romance<\/span><\/h3>\n

A little background first. Those of you who\u2019ve read the odd post know I\u2019m a sucker for romance<\/a><\/strong><\/span>.\u00a0My debut novel, A Cry From The Deep<\/a><\/strong><\/span>,\u00a0<\/em>has \u00a0it at its core.<\/span><\/p>\n

I like the kind of romance that takes its time in a movie or a book and ends with an unspoken promise of so much more to come. I find that incredibly sexy, the anticipation, the build-up of lust and desire, wanting more than anything to go the whole way with the one you love. And when it does, climax is that much more exciting.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m also a feminist, which means I believe in equality in bed, in the home and in the workplace. \u00a0As well, I was a clinical social worker with my own private practice. Over the course of twenty-five years, I saw many people who were experiencing problems in their relationships, including sexual ones.<\/span><\/p>\n

Tinder Examined in Vanity Fair<\/span><\/h3>\n
\"Tinder's<\/a>

From Wikimedia.org<\/span><\/p><\/div>\n

So, with that in mind, I found Nancy Jo Sales\u2019 article in Vanity Fair<\/em>\u2019s<\/strong> September 2015 issue, titled “Tinder and the Dawn of the Dating Apocalypse<\/a><\/strong><\/span>”\u00a0fascinating. She had interviewed a number of men and women who\u2019ve used Tinder to hook up.<\/span><\/p>\n

It struck me that the word \u2018hook\u2019 is similar to hooker, but in this case the man isn\u2019t paying the woman to have sex. It\u2019s free. Maybe some women get a meal out of it and the odd one gets a text back later, which one woman interviewed for the article found both surprising and pleasing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Though the women talking about their experiences had hoped for something more from hook ups, when it happened they weren\u2019t sure what to do, especially since Tinder is seen as an app. where coupling is expected with no strings attached.<\/span><\/p>\n

Some of the men interviewed bragged about their many one-night encounters and the odd one complained that they\u2019d been ghosted as well, meaning they didn\u2019t hear back from the girl they had sex with.<\/span><\/p>\n

When Nancy Jo Sayles probed more, she discovered that these one nighters weren\u2019t that satisfying for either sex. For women, besides not getting romanced, they didn’t even get satisfied. The men either didn\u2019t bother trying to satisfy their partners or didn\u2019t know how to get them to orgasm. Or maybe the women faked it, which probably left the men thinking they’d done their job. When things happen that quickly, there’s no time to get to know the other person at all. And without intimacy\u2014getting to know your partner first\u2014impotence among young men seems to be on the rise. It\u2019s hard to perform if sex becomes a mechanical thing. For both parties.<\/span><\/p>\n

Dating in the 50s<\/span><\/h3>\n
\"Tinder's<\/a>

From imdb.com<\/span><\/p><\/div>\n

I was struck\u00a0by how much dating has changed when I saw the movie Brooklyn<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/span>, which showed dating patterns in the early 1950s. They were simple back then. Girls waited until the guy asked them out and if they liked each other, they might kiss or not. Of course, back then, sex before marriage was frowned upon, so couples often got married before they were even ready, just because their desire for more was too hard to contain. Was it better? In many cases it was. Intimacy coupled with commitment developed into long lasting love, security and yes, great sex.<\/span><\/p>\n

Relationship Challenges for Millenials Today<\/span><\/h3>\n

I can understand that relationships are not that simple today, especially for millenials. It`s more confusing in many ways. Over a quarter of millenials are still living at home, carrying huge student debt, unprepared to take on the financial responsibilities associated with marriage and family. As for women wanting more than just sex, guys get mixed signals. A lot of women today expose their bodies in sexually provocative ways and suggest by their behaviour that they\u2019re in for a good roll in bed without any commitment. And yet, judging from the article, they want more than a one night stand.<\/span><\/p>\n

Men have always sowed their oats; it just looks different today. I can still hear my mother saying, \u201cIf you can get the milk for free, why buy a cow?\u201d Some of that thinking has changed, but some of it hasn\u2019t. Today, there\u2019s lots of free milk. And as one interviewee said, half-complaining because there was no longer the thrill of the chase, \u201cSex has become so easy.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I imagine fear is also a factor. No one wants\u00a0to be missing out.<\/span><\/p>\n

I`m not suggesting millenials revert to the dating practices of their grandparents, but maybe while they`re exploring their own sexuality and relationships, they can stop and ask if what they`re getting is all that satisfying. Good sex is something we all want but without romance, it may be satisfying on one level, but oh, it could be so much more with it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Thoughts and Comments always welcome.<\/h3>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s easier than ever to hook up today. Ways of dating have changed dramatically with the rise in popularity of dating apps. The most notable one, Tinder, is often used… <\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2478,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[744,82,88,1],"tags":[609,850,847,78,851,849,848,640,846,93],"class_list":["post-2473","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-books","category-film-2","category-life","category-uncategorized","tag-a-cry-from-the-deep","tag-brooklyn","tag-dating-app","tag-diana-stevan","tag-millenials","tag-nancy-jo-sales","tag-pride-and-prejudice","tag-romance","tag-tinder","tag-vanity-fair"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.dianastevan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/Tinder_Age_Chart.png?fit=1004%2C578&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1LuVB-DT","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4258,"url":"https:\/\/www.dianastevan.com\/uk\/2019\/writing\/soft-launch-of-sunflowers-under-fire\/","url_meta":{"origin":2473,"position":0},"title":"Soft Launch of Sunflowers Under Fire","author":"Diana Stevan","date":"13 \u041a\u0432\u0456\u0442\u043d\u044f, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"I never planned a soft launch for my latest novel, Sunflowers Under Fire, a historical fiction. 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